M: Wow, her nudes and sexy pictures aren’t even on any of the GOOD blogs.

Me: …

M: She is so unattractive and vile!

Me: Dude, firstly, you need to get off the internet. Secondly, you’re a fucking bitch, and I’m going to feed you to my tigers when I open my exotic animal rescue. Or I’ll burn you at the steak.

M: You won’t hear me scream.

Me: …I’m going to ignore that awesome reference, accidental or not. You’re a terrible callous person, and I wish you’d quit already so I wouldn’t have to see your ugly fucking gold bricking ass in my beach community.